Laura Listens: Lifestyle & Friendship Post

Friendship: What to do if you feel left out by your friends...



If you follow Laurashopaholic on Twitter then you will know that I asked my followers whether they had any problems as I was going to start a problem page.  Thank you to everyone who contacted me.  

One of my followers contacted me saying that they wanted some help as they had felt increasingly left out by their group of friends recently.  Firstly, I felt that I could really relate to this problem as I am not too proud to admit that in the past I have myself felt this way and I am sure that anyone else who has experienced this will agree that it is a horrible way to feel that if you have been victim to, would not wish on anyone.

Firstly, be honest with yourself and make sure that you have made enough effort with your friends.  Friendship, like any relationship takes time and effort by both parties in order to be strong.  It also requires an equal amount of effort from those involved and this is important because it shows mutual respect for the relationship.  Ask yourself whether or not you have instigated meeting up recently or has it always been one-sided?  Equally, if your friends have made the effort to meet up with you recently and you have not been able to get involved for whatever reason, or you have had to cancel, have you made an attempt to re-arrange or suggest an alternative date that would be convenient?  Are you ever the first to text your friends or do you only ever respond when they text you?

If you are confident that you have done all that you can to be a good friend and you still feel like you are being left out then there are a couple of things to have a think about.  If you have asked yourself whether you yourself are a good friend and you can answer 'Yes' then you can be sure that the problem certainly is NOT YOUR FAULT!  If you feel like your friends are leaving you out and not including you in gatherings or meeting up, then you definitely need to ask yourself whether you actually want them as your friends!  Friendship should be a two-way relationship with individuals wanting to spend time together purely because they enjoy eachothers company and love being around that person or that group.  If your friends are not making the effort to include you then quite simply they are not worth your time!  I know it is easier said than done, but why would you want to waste your precious time on so-called 'friends' who take you for granted and do not respect the effort that you make to maintain the relationship.

The difficulty with any relationships and friendships is that it is never easy or nice to have that moment when you ask yourself 'Is it worth it anymore?' particularly if you have known the friends for a long time.  This is usually the case as most likely if you had not known the friends for long then you probably would not be too bothered about them in the long term.

True friends would not ever want to make you feel left out and if they knew how it felt and they were actually nice people then they certainly would not want to make you feel that way.  If you feel that you can then talk to the friends and tell them how you feel.  If they still continue to leave you out after this then it is a done deal and its not nice - friendship breakup.  Sad in the short term as you feel a loss like any breakup, but much better in the long term as you will have respect for yourself. Why would you want to spend your time with people who behave in such selfish ways?  Would you want to even be associated with them?  By stopping wasting time worrying about the people who take your friendship for granted it will give you space to make time with new friendships that will blossom.  After all, the company we keep speaks volumes about our own values and morals.

Always remember that true friends will cherish having you as part of their life

Love Laurashopaholic xx

I hope that helps to put your mind at ease.  Please feel free to contact me should you need anymore advice.  You are not on your own.

If you have a problem or question that you would like to be featured anonymously in the next Lifestyle & Friendship post then please do not hesitate to get in contact.  L xx


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